The eyes have it

Yesterday we had one of those cold, windy all day rains that, for me, always mark the end of Fall.  It was a beautiful day, though.  The season's oranges, yellows, and reds vividly popped out against the gray sky.

Everywhere I went,  people grumbled about the weather.  Except for Jeanie.  I sat at her kitchen table with her looking outside,  and she said:  "I've always loved days like this.  My husband and I often would head out with our cameras on days like this.  It's so beautiful."

She could see what so many could not.

God's love is like that:  a bright spot of hope in the midst of life's storms for those who (as Scripture says) "have eyes to see".

Lord, give me an open heart to see you everywhere.  Mother Teresa

An act of hope

Yesterday I began planting spring bulbs.  I read recently that to do so is the ultimate act of hope.  Into the darkness of the earth I placed each bulb nestling it into a cocoon of anti-squirrel/vole soil conditioner with a sprinkling of fertilizer.  I re-covered them with soil and watered them. 

Now I wait until the sun's rays lengthen and warmth returns to the northern hemisphere.

This morning, I questioned myself:  Did you plant them deep enough?  Did you add the proper amount of nutrient -- not too much or too little?     Will the bulbs blossom and fill my garden with red and yellow, pink and lavender?  Did you do enough?

Today's Psalm reads:  "The Lord is my light and my salvation, of whom shall I be afraid?"   I've been meditating on the Lord as my light that illumines the path, shines into the darkness of discouragement, warms my heart and encourages growth, and  quiets every nagging worry.

Some days I ask myself:  Where is the light today?  I can't see the way.  Why does my heart feel so cold?  Where is the warmth of God's love?  Will this or that in my life resolve happpily?

Just like with the bulbs placed into the earth, my soul must wait on the Lord.  I must put my trust in him in pleasant weather and during the storms, during the daylight and the night.

Too often the only person I trust is me. 

Long experience testifies to the foolishness of that choice.

Halloween

A few houses in our neighborhood have been decked out for Halloween: tombstones abound as well as skeletons.  I've even seen a celtic cross, coffins, ghosts hanging from trees, and lots of spider webs.  Worst of all, to my mind, are the huge spiders draped over door ways.  Why or why?  Yuck!

Gordon Lightfoot Beautiful

I was first introduced to the Canadian singer Gordon Lightfoot when I was 14 or 15.  His lyrics and voice still move me.  This is one of my favorites, along with "Rainy Day People".  Here are the lyrics; you can hear it on "Ilike"

Rainy day people always seem to know when it's time to call.


Rainy day people don't talk

they just listen till they've heard it all.

Rainy day lovers don't lie when they tell you

they've been down like you.

Rainy day people don't mind if you're cryin' a tear or two.



If you get lonely, all you really need is that rainy day love.

Rainy day people all know there's no sorrow

they can't rise above.

Rainy day lovers don't love any others

that would not be kind.

Rainy day people all know how it hangs

on their peace of mind.

Rainy day people always seem to know

when you're feelin' blue

I steps and stutters around in the gutters

sometimes need one, too.

Take it or leave it or try to believe it,

f you've been down too long,

Rainy day lovers don't hide love inside, they just pass it on.

Yesterday I was stunned to learn that my favorite singer/songwriter was born in 1933.  How could that be?  There are recent videos of him on Youtube, and like all the rest of us, age and illness have taken their toll. 

How I long for heaven where there will be "no more death or tears, no more sickness or sorrow..."

New sight, new eyes

I heard today that Michelangelo was roundly criticized when his Pieta was unveiled.  "Mary is too young, too beautiful, and too calm" said the naysayers. 

The artist replied that they were right, but it had been his intention.  He wanted, artistically, to demonstrate the Mary's faith and trust in God even at the end of the very worst day of her life.  And, Michelangelo continued,  he hoped to remind every person who ever viewed his work,  that they, also, could  trust God's love and goodness no matter what life brought their way.

For me, at least, works of art as famous as this one can become cliches.  I've seen it so many times I don't really look at it any more. 

More the pity! 

This story has given me new eyes not only for the Pieta but also into the life of faith.

Changing colors

Fall has finally arrived.   With the cooler breeze blowing through my hair, walking is pure joy. 

The summer's drought has many leaves turning brown and dropping already.  To my eyes, more trees look stressed or dying this year.

I hear distress from my neighbors in small comments that reflect anxiety about our nation's current economic problems.  I know some who're unemployed, some who've lost their homes to foreclosure, and many who are actively preparing for a future they fear.  One person, nearing retirement, said to me last week:  "I'm going to working till I die just to survive."

These realities and fears feel like a drought of hope.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for a future full of hope.  Jeremiah 29:11

The universe -- an accident????

An accident?

I just read on Yahoo News that Stephen Hawking recently wrote

Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing. Spontaneous creation is the reason there is something rather than nothing, why the universe exists, why we exist."

It is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper and set the universe going."

I hope the author of the piece has edited Hawking inappropriately. His conclusion begs the question (and I find it difficult to believe Hawking doesn't address it himself): Where did gravity come from (not to mention all the other natural laws which govern not only the earth but the universe)?

Today is the feast of St. Gregory the Great. He said:

Read the Scriptures and know God's mind.

In the eye of the storm

Hurricane Earl, bearing down on the east  coast, fills the airwaves today.  Millions of lives disrupted as they prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

How fortunate to have the benefit of advanced warning.  Despite interuption and inconvenience, we in the first world have the grace, which those in the developing world do not,  of prior warning.  Technology provides time to prepare and to avoid nature's fury, if one chooses.

Through the scriptures, church, faith, and sacred tradition God provides an early warning system for preparing to weather the storms of  our spirits.  Ignored them, ridiculed them (and those who heeded them), denied them, and finally named 'my own truth' based on my intelligence and education -- I've done it all at one time or another.


I've traveled many roads to at last surrender and say, "Jesus, I trust in you."  Implicit is a decision to do my best to obey, simply obey.  No excuses, no rationalization.  (Two things I'm quite accomplished at.)

By the light of the silvery moon...

It's still dark now when I get up with the dogs at 6 or so.  The last few mornings the moon has been up.  It's waning now, but it was full and so bright it shone through our skylight like a spotlight.  Luminous against the clear sky, I wanted to stay out until it set, which isn't very long at all at that time of the morning. It seemed as if I turned my eyes away just briefly and it was out of sight.  I wanted to hold on, but the moon had its own plans for the morning.

Carpe diem.

The eyes have it

For the first time in 6 weeks, I'm able to put my contacts in.  They make all the difference not only in my sight, but in eye comfort.  Even though I've had them in almost 2 hours this first day, my eyes feel better than without.  What joy the seemingly small things  -- the abilities we take for granted (like seeing without pain) -- bring.  Reminds me to live gratefully.

Which reminds me of Alexander McCall Smith's "The Art of Gratitude".  It's a very gentle mystery with philosopher-sleuth Isabel Dalhousie at center stage.  I really liked it and its' premise that people are not simple and are rarely what we think.  Rings true to me.

I'm also reading G.K. Chesterton's "The Man Who Was Thursday."  My only familiarity with Chesterton was the Father Brown mysteries -- delightful reading.  I'm discovering that Chesterton was quite a man of letters and quite politically astute.  Thursday is one of 7 Brits (named for the days of the week) planning anarchy against France.  Will they succeed?    My edition is annotated and good thing, it's challenging reading but with the notes quite a romp through philosophy, British history, the geography of London, and the politics of anarchy and the absurd.

Sight restored to the blind

Since my last entry, I've struggled with a viral eye infection, which is just about healed. I've listened to quite a few books on cd while stuck at home; the funniest of the lot was "Ladies of the Lake".

The infection came on the heels of a visit to Louisville to celebrate my Mom's 80th' birthday. I enjoyed the time with my family and was incredibly glad I had that memory to tide me through recovery.

The drive from Virginia to Kentucky offers beautiful mountain vistas. What a treat!

Water me!

As temps reach into the high 90's (and above), watering my tomato plants, herbs, flowers and roses has become part of my morning ritual. If I forget, they show it by 4 p.m. wilting pitifully.

We need spiritual watering every day or we, too, wilt under the heat of the day's demands and stresses, even its joys and successes.

Dear God, water me!

Farm report

I harvested my first 2 tomatoes over the holiday weekend. They're tiny and have end rot, but they're still mine! I salvaged what I could and made bruschetta. Dinner guests swore they could taste the home grown among the store bought. :-)

I also harvested basil and made pesto. If Italian grandmothers could make it without a food processor, so can I! It too about 30 minutes of chopping but was worth it. Really good.

Jesus said, "The harvest is ready. Send harvesters into the fields..." What good is growth unless it's put to good use? Even tomatoes with end rot have value, and so does every person. How will God use me today, harvest the growth that's been nurtured over the years in me?

Independence Day 2010

We sang "America, the Beautiful" at the end of Mass this morning. I'm not an overly patriotic person, but that song stirs in me pride in my country and hopes for our future. It reminds me of the faith of our founders and the prayer that undergirded their efforts toward independence. Singing of "purple mountain majesty" reminds me of the mountain vistas that have taken my breath away. "The fruited plain" reminds me of the agricultural communities in which I've lived and how beautiful those fields were in the heart of summer. We Americans have so much for which to be grateful. We take too much for granted and pray too little for our future.

At least I do.

An exorcism

Yesterday, every time I typed a topic into a search engine, full page advertisements appeared. I told the resident computer expert (David) that my computer was demon possessed. He asked: "What have you been doing?"

Innocent little me? Honestly, I don't know. But somehow thirty-four run-of-the-mill little demons and one big ol' bad devil of a root virus had not only taken up residence, but organized a coup. This machine was no longer 'mine'.

Who did this? Why create mayhem for an anonymous stranger? How can someone, presumably, find pleasure in that?

It's beyond me.

However, I do know: If it weren't for David's expertise, I'd still be wandering around in the wilderness of annoying, unwanted advertisements.

Our lives can be taken over, too, by habits and ways of thinking that destroy our lives and the lives of others. God has given us a way out, in effect leading us out of the wilderness of self-destruction. Through Christ, God rescues and restores us. How cool is that?

Sitting in the shade

I have a flower box on the deck in which small flowers were planted. Right in the middle of the box, a plant with one huge leaf has grown. That leaf is twice the size of any of the plants in the box.

I've resisted yanking it out. It's whimsical for one thing, who leaves a huge weed that takes up residence unannounced???

But every time I look at it I'm reminded of Jonah. Having successfully preached a message of repentance, Jonah wasn't happy. Go figure! But the truth is, he didn't want the Ninevites to repent; he wanted to see God destroy them. So, pouting and angry, he sat down to nurse his grievance. God caused a vine to grow up and provide shade for Jonah. (Jonah 4:5ff) God wanted him to be comfortable while he pouted! (That thought makes me laugh.)

After 24 hours, the vine died. As it shrivelled, Jonah's wrath grew.

God had not done what Jonah expected God to do. News flash! God doesn't need our guidance! (However, I confess, I'm apt to give it anyway!) And (believe it or not) I've been know to pout.

God waits patiently for us to come around and yield. The book of Jonah gives no evidence that he did. That's sad, isn't it? If Jonah could not accept God's mercy for others, could he really accept it for himself?

Listen and Hear

I am amazed anew at how frequently God meets me right where I am. Most recently, I attended a half day retreat. When I arrived, a substitute speaker and topic were the order of the day. Only afterwards, on my way home, it hit me: His message addressed exactly what I've been wrestling with for weeks.

I believe such serendipities reveal God's love and concern. I have a hunch it happens all the time and I miss the message because I'm preoccupied with what I expect or want.

The prayer of the young Samuel, Speak Lord, your servant is listening, echoes in my thoughts and prayers.

Harden not your hearts

Well, as you might guess, as I haven't written in more than 2 weeks, the cold became a serious sinus infection. I finished the antibiotic several days ago and all that remains is a dry cough. Hurray!

On another front, Friday's xray of my ankle/leg revealed significant healing. I concluded physical therapy that day, too. Joy abounds!

In between, I cruised in for my annual visit to my oncologist. All is well. I am so, so, so grateful.

My container garden is flourishing. One tomato plant has 11 tomatoes on it. Apparently, they love this hot and humid weather. The flowers and herbs are doing well, too, especially the basil. I want to try making pesto.

David just returned from a long stint in Texas which ended with his step-father's death. The last six months were pure agony. We mourn his absence, but truly death set him free.

I preached twice last week at the nursing home. I enjoy tailoring a message to the elderly and infirm and I think it shows.

The message? Nothing can separate us from God's love and mercy except ourselves. God will forgive anything if we can bring ourselves to admit we've done wrong and ask. That's all. God wants to welcome us as beloved daughters and sons into the family.

Why, oh why, do we so often refuse?

I have picked up a cold and a wicked sounding cough. I hope the cough means it's on the way out. I'm so grateful I made it through the wedding festivities without getting sick that I'm not complaining too much. I was so exhausted by the time all was said and done, I'm not surprised my body staged a little revolt afterwards.



My ankle is much improved; physical therapy is winding down. The next xray isn't until mid-June, but I'm pretty sure it'll show healing.



I've been working on trusting God for the events and activities of each day, as the day begins. These last five months have reminded me that life carries no guarantees. Only God knows how a day will unfold; only God can empower me to live it with grace, and hope, and love.



Cough and all, I'm going to hear Jeff Cavins tonight and tomorrow. I've experienced him via media through studies of the Gospel of Matthew, Acts, Revelation, and "The Story of Salvation". He is, hands down, the best Bible teacher I've ever known

Wedding Bells Ring

I'm now a mother-in-law. Matt and April 'tied the knot' May 23. It went beautifully; the rain stopped and the sun came out just as the ceremony began. Dancing at my son's wedding was an answer to a prayer uttered 5 years ago. What a blessing the day was!

The top photo is my Mom and sister, Nancy. They stayed until Tuesday. Although we were all exhausted, being together was pure pleasure.

Somewhere over the rainbow

The days are passing quickly. We spent last week pretending to be beach bums. The peace and quiet (not counting the roar of the ocean!) were just what we all needed. I listened to 2 books on cd and read 4 -- the best of which was "Let Me Hear your Voice: A Family's Triumph over Autism."

Before we left, David's Dad had a series of health problems. He continues to weaken and be a concern. David made a quick trip to visit him just days before our departure. Needless to say, by the time we reached Emerald Isle, he was exhausted.

My leg was xrayed Friday and shows minimal healing at best. So it's another 6 weeks of physical therapy and bone stimulation every evening. I'm getting around more, for which I'm grateful. I've returned to my volunteer work which is a source of joy. I move more slowly these days but I'm grateful to be moving!

Matt's wedding is quickly approaching: 2 weeks from tomorrow. We're all caught up in preparations and anticipation. Everyone asks so I'll tell you: I do have a dress! I'm preparing part of the rehearsal dinner and currently 'auditioning' recipes. I still need to find shoes that will accomodate my problem; that's on the agenda for this week.

I'm very excited that my Mom and sister, Nancy, are coming and staying for a couple of days after the wedding.

I've started reading through the Psalms, 3 a day, and journaling. I've been reading them off and on for 40 years but somehow, this time, they speak to me in new ways that have really touched my spirit and lightened my heart.

News Flash!

I've started driving! The doc didn't say I couldn't, so...

I'm driving locally in my immediate area. I'm staying ofs the Washington Beltway and other well-known crash courses in the area :-) until there's healing.

So, I've been to the gym to swim (boy am I out of shape) and to use the stationary bike, both "approved" activities. :-) I've returned to morning Mass and short stints visiting my friends at the local nursing home. I will (in just a few minutes) drive myself to physical therapy, which is the furthest I drive (about 10 miles, I guess.) and far enough. In most cases, it isn't the driving but the walk from the parking lot into the building that causes any pain.

A friend visited and brought cuttings from her garden which I was able to plant in beds in our front yard. That was so satisfying.

I continue to stitch and read. Most recently I've read 2 Amelia Peabody mysteries and "Winter Garden" (Kristin Hannah's newest novel). I'm slowly making my way through "The Better Part" (a guide to prayer by John Bartunek) and Sigrid Undset's biography of Catherine of Sienna.

I tell everyone who asks that "I'm better" and I am.

Happy Birthday to Me!

On this, my 56th birthday, I am so grateful to be alive to enter my 57th year.

On my 50th birthday, I was recovering from breast cancer blissfully unaware that before 6 months passed I'd face a much more formidable foe.

Six years later, I've come so far. I often say, "I wouldn't wish what I've been through on my worst enemy, but I've been blessed through it all."

Yes, I'm alive; I'm in remission; I survived a transplant.

But more importantly, I'm alive spiritually.

I've had the photo in my files for several years. It's a photo of a blooming desert -- something that supposedly happens once every hundred years.

My life is a blooming desert.

Thanks be to God.

The first evangelists

He is not here, he has risen as he said. He is not among the dead, but among the living. Go and tell...

This year I felt closer to the resurrection than any Easter I could remember. I was ready to celebrate God's victory and God's power over death and all that binds and enslaves humankind. Worship moved me and the rest of the day was full of joy.

Monday, I returned to the orthopedic surgeon prepared, I thought, for whatever the xrays revealed. As the day wore on, I realized I wasn't. The fracture has still not healed. A 'bone stimulation device' has been ordered. The prognosis: 3-6 more months of treatment.

God has conquered disappointment and suffering by the death and resurrection of Christ but for now the victory is claimed on the spiritual level. Yesterday, I did not do that. I had a melt down.

Today David and I decided I could begin to drive on the backroads around home. I will gain some freedom and independence. The doctor said I could begin swimming; an indoor pool is less than a mile away. The church and the nursing home I've served are about 2 miles away.

My life is resurrected. Alleluia. Amen.

Women at the Tomb by Annibale Carracci, 1597-98

-

He is risen! Alleluia!

We watched "The Passion of the Christ" late this afternoon. The first time I saw it I wept the entire movie. Today I was able to identify the emotion as sorrow for my sins, my part in crucifying the Son of God. And my final reaction was thanksgiving for Christ's sacrifice and joy in his mercy for me and for all people. I'm ready to celebrate the Resurrection in the morning.

Life goes on

It's sunny but cold this morning. Outside my window tiny leaves unfurl from one of the season's early blooming (Is that what non-flowering trees do?) trees. I wonder: What kind is it?

I refilled the bird feeder which a large flock of crows emptied yesterday. A squirrel gorged on spilt remains keeping the usual crowd away.

Tomorrow Holy Weeks begins. We will enter the drama of the Passion of the Christ. During Lent I've tried to meditate on some aspect of our Savior's last week of life every day. Today I'm struck by Jesus' response to the arresting party that came to apprehend him at Gethsemane. Dignity, commitment to his mission, and respect even for his enemies. He never lost his temper. He addressed Judas as 'friend'. He rationally asked the soldiers, who had seen him day after day in the Temple: "Why come under cover of dark, armed and hostile?" He submitted willingly as they led him away.

While Christians enter the holiest week of the liturgical year, birds migrate, squirrels feast on unexpected bounty, and trees send forth their leaves. The world goes on just as always.

I hope and pray that I won't. I hope and pray that Christians everywhere will be changed by the love of God demonstrated by the self-sacrificing Christ.

Get out of jail free?

After I visited my orthopedist last Friday for a new set of xrays, I couldn't come here and write. I was too discouraged by what the xrays revealed: no healing.

After finishing Nouwen's The Return of the Prodigal (which I highly recommend!), I began Abandonment to Divine Providence: Loving God in the Present Moment by Jean-Pierre de Cassaude. It had been on my reading list for quite some time; I'm convinced God led me to order it for 'such a time as this'.

Since a retreat over 5 years ago, "surrender" has been my word and my prayer before the Lord. That word was given me right after treatment for breast cancer and right before the leukemia diagnosis. I've lived with it on my keyboard for a long time now. Recent experiences, though, have revealed new depths to its meaning for me.

Cassaude writes:

Do we not know that by all creatures, and by every event, the divine love desires to unite us to himself -- that he has ordained, arranged, or permitted everything about us, everything that happens to us, and with a view to this union? This is the most ultimate object of all his designs, to attain which he makes use ... of his creatures... and of the most distressing events as well as of those which are pleasant and agreeable...If this be true, every moment of our lives may be a kind of communion with the divine love...

Last weekend and the early days of this week my spirit struggled to overcome the disheartenment I felt. I struggled to praise and thank God even for more weeks of dependence and house arrest.

Now I'm at the end of the week and I must testify, God has sent people every day this week to take me out and about. A Lutheran neighbor even took my to mass one morning. I am so amazed.

While my heart rejoices, I know God can't be manipulated. Trusting God is not a 'get out of jail free' card. I want to remember, though, that God has my back even when it seems I'll never emerge from the dark valley. God will lead me out. I can count on it.

Parallel universe

Another gorgeous morning has dawned. I fully expected clouds and rain but no! A sliver of the moon shone like a narrow sp0tlight before sunrise and now the sky is clear again. I am happy to meet the new day with all its signs of spring.

I'm in my 10th week here at home; I'm losing track of the day of the week now! I mark them by television shows or regular weekly activities. When I awaken, I go through them to place myself in the week!

I tuned into the local morning news. Highway cameras followed cars entering the District. Watching all those people traveling to work seemed so strange.

Have I entered a parallel universe? (just kidding)

Tomorrow: another day, another xray!

Today Nathan's home and we'll run errands. Or, he'll run errands while I sit in the car. :-)

Discipline yourself!!!

My soul has turned often recently to trusting God with the present moment, whatever the moment may bring. No matter what I feel or think, whatever my response to what I experience I say to myself, "Jesus I trust you and I thank you."

Logically, if God knew me and loved me and gave His son for me even before I existed, then I can trust Him with the large and small matters that touch my life. To trust God, I must humbly relinquish control , a control I never possessed anyway, of my future.

I spoke of this once to an agnostic friend who asked: "So why are you so special to God?" Good question! I am special to God, I told him, but SO ARE YOU as is every other person that has ever lived and will ever live.

God envisions a 'future full of hope' for every one of us. Do I want God's future for me? Do I believe the God has loved me since the beginning of time and that nothing will change God's love for me?

I need to whisper that to myself many times every day: God loved me before I loved Him. He loved me so much that Jesus died for me.

De Cassaude in Abandonment to Divine Providence
counsels that trust and gratitude are key disciplines if one seeks to draw closer to God. Discipline is the operative word. Practicing trust and gratitude, spiritual weight lifting exercises, similar to the discipline of a champion athlete, build the muscles of faith and hope and love.

I trust you God with these thoughts. I thank you for them. Accomplish your will in and through me.

Finished and Framed

Here's the counted cross stitch project that took me 6 years to finish!

It says, "Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be." (Browning)

I'm so pleased; the final product is better than I ever imagined it would be.

Nearly gone

Green grass has reappeared! The snow I thought would be here til July is nearly gone, even on our shady side of the street.

I'm ready for the snow, which glided gently to earth with mesmerizing beauty so many weeks ago, to leave!

Come on in, Spring! Bring your warmer temperatures, delicate buds, and pastel blossoms. I'll be thankful for your moody rains and temperatures for they signal the return of life to the earth.

Can I be thankful for the moodiness of living? Some days my spirit soars; some days it's as grounded as an ostrich, too heavy, and seemingly not made, for flight at all. Can I trust that,like the changing seasons, they are part of life? Can I trust that God will take me through the winter of the heart to its' Spring? Can I trust God will find me once again?

Today I can trust for my heart is light. But I know a day will come when people or circumstances or my own failings will challenge me.

Nouwen writes: ...we can allow ourselves to be found by God and healed by his love through the concrete and daily practice of trust and gratitude. Trust and gratitude are the disciplines for ...conversion... Without such disciplines we become prey to self-perpetuating hopelessness.

God is looking for you. (The Return of the Prodigal Son, p. 84)

Lay it on the altar

We sang a hymn in church yesterday -- When Jesus came to show the Father's love, He came as a sacrifice. He put himself upon the altar.

I read somewhere else recently Love, real love, always involves sacrifice and suffering.

I think I've lived my whole life with my head in the clouds. Suffering was something to escape or deny.

For Jesus, suffering was the path to our redemption. It was not his will, anymore than it is mine. However, he did not deny or choose to escape even though he could have.

Jesus chose to love me and all humankind in all times and places so much that he was willing to suffer.

For what or for whom am I willing to suffer?

Dodged a bullet

No more snow here! I'm so sorry for those north of us who are in the throes of a blizzard this morning, but so thankful it bypassed the DC metro area. The wind howls; haven't seen a bird all morning. I wonder: What do they do, where do they go when the weather threatens?

Yesterday I finished Geraldine Brooks' "March". A good story set in the early years of the Civil War, and also a vocabulary-expanding read! It's been a long while since I've had to resort to the dictionary so often. Humbling, but educational. Here's my list:

rufous - reddish
couchant - couch (makes sense, huh?)
chiffonier - dresser, with drawers. (Maybe that's why my grandmother called it the chifferobe?)
helve - handle (as of an ax or other tool)
deliquescing - to melt
rutilant - ruddy
coruscating - shiny, reflective
jalap - a purgative made from the roots of a particular plant
harrow - to break up the soil with a rotating, tined disc
simulacrum - image or likeness; or a sham
sutler - a person following an army to sell food, etc.

Fifty centy words, I can remember my Freshman comp professor calling them! But fun, nonetheless.

Some good news

Yesterday I was fitted for a custom brace. It will fit inside a shoe and I'll be rid of the clunky boot. The shoes have to tie snugly at my ankle to hold the brace. I'm glad Matt's wedding is still 3 months away!

I'm reading Henri Nouwen's "The Return of the Prodigal Son" which is a meditation on Rembrandt's painting vis a vis Rembrandt's life, Nouwen's life, the life of Christ, our our own lives. Fascinating and inspiring, at times intriguing like:

I am touching here the mystery that Jesus himself became the prodigal for our sake.

***

Receiving forgiveness requires a total willingness to let God be God and do all the healing, restoring, and renewing. As long as I want to do even a part of that myself, I end up with partial solutions, such as becoming a hired servant.

It's still broken

Yeah, right! I discovered Friday that my leg is still not healing. The plan? Wait three more weeks and take another xray. In the meantime, physical therapy, a brace, and NO driving. Why did I have to break my right leg????

More thoughts on Lenten penance

Here's another statement of Lenten intention that I find challenging:

I must truly renew my life, and it is God whom I ask in all simplicity to transform me. I want to live interiorly more spiritually, exteriorly more gently and lovingly so as to make God better loved, who is the beginning and end of my spiritual life. More than ever I want to hide in the heart of Jesus my good works, my prayers, my self denial, to preach only through example, to speak not at all of myself and little of God, since in this sad world one only gives scandal or annoys others by showing one's love for God. But whenever someone approaches me or whenever it seems to be God's will that I should approach another, I will do so simply, very prudently, and disappear as soon as the task is done, mixing not thought of self with God's action. And should I be misunderstood, criticized, and judged unfavorably, I will try to rejoice in remembering our divine exemplar, and I will seek to be of no consequence in the esteem of others...

Elisabeth Leseur (d. 1914)http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elisabeth_Leseur

Lent: Day 1

I saw a Facebook posting yesterday from a friend of a friend! For Lent she's decided to speak an encouraging word to at least 3 people every day, one of them herself! I really like that idea.

Last night at Mass Father suggested that every time we make an act of penance, we prayerfully offer it to God. I'd never heard that before! It's a way to be intentional and prayerful along with the penance.

I learn so much from those who share their penance plans for Lent. I give thanks for their transparency and encouragement to me to do likewise.

Ash Wednesday

Lent begins today. To me, it's the season of going into the darkness of suffering. I don't look forward to it.

We're in the depths of winter (so evident with all the piles of snow guarding narrow streets and walkways). The days are often cloudy and gray.

Yet, the promise of Spring calls to me every morning as I listen to the birds sing and watch buds begin to from on the trees.

Lent draws us into the Passion of Christ; spiritual winter. In whatever penance we choose, the idea is to identify with the suffering Jesus 'by whose stripes we are healed.' With each day the night approaches: When He died night descended in the middle of the day.

The night must come before the dawn.

Jesus, make me ready for the dawn of your mercy and love.

Running the race

I'm going out today! Between my bone issues and the snow-pocalypse I've experienced the world from the window and television images.

I realized the other day that I hadn't even been to the grocery in over 6 weeks! So, I'm excited to go to church and out the dinner to celebrate Valentine's Day.

Yesterday I FINISHED the stitchery project that I began more than 5 years ago. Persistence and patience are not my strong suit. Recurrent illnesses added fuel to the fire; I didn't need to even feel guilty about it!

This 'down time' became purposeful. Putting in the last stitch was amazing and seeing the finished piece pressed and ready to frame so very satisfying.

I mused that should I ever enter the pearly gates having successfully 'run the race' as St. Paul says, I'll feel similarly but multiplied many, many times over.

Loving God, give me grace to finish the race.

Sign of the times

Yesterday I became convinced I'm livng a sheltered life.

On one of the morning news talk shows, a contributor touted the financial and emotional advantages of walking away from your mortgage. In addition, she proclaimed, banks do it all the time on office buildings worth millions of dollars! Her reasoning: Why shouldn't we?

Then, in the free regional newspaper, I tripped over an article and several advertisements. Apparently, some realtors are specializing in handling 'short sales'. The article advised that, in certain circumstances and only through 2012, a new law makes it possible to get the remaining debt forgiven! A certified realtor can guide you through the process and lead you into a debt- free 'promised land.'

I was amazed, appalled, and stricken.

Today, I am haunted by what this must mean for families, not only today but for the foreseeable future. How does one make it day to day carrying such incredible anxiety and uncertainty?

drip, drip,drip

I watched the steady drip, drip, drip of the 2' long icicles hanging from the gutter while I ate lunch. With the sun directly overhead illuminating them, they appeared electrically lit: They had a vertical column of bright yellow descending the outside edge.

Suddenly one fell. When would the next icicle (shoe?) drop? Not while I watched, but I knew another and then another eventually would.

I remember childhood visits to Mammoth Cave and the talks about the formation of stalagmites and stalactites by the same process but in very different conditions.

I thought about the accretions of the unique personality and set of experiences that have made me who I am today. Adding and subtracting, shaping and forming the person God created 9 months before my birth and the person born for the second time by faith in Christ, and molded day by day by the Holy Spirit.

Drip, drip, drip.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

Day 5: A blizzard.

God rules over the Metro DC area. Schools, Metro,Federal Government, from the lowly to those who govern all bow to the power of God displayed through nature. The wind blows, the snow falls and every plan for the day slips away.

Whether we acknowledge our Creator or not, God reigns.

Teach me your ways

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.



I never saw this before.

What does Jesus want to teach the weary and burdened?

What does he know we need to know?

The secrets of God? The workings of the universe? Great wisdom? Knowledge?

No.

Gentleness and humility.

The most difficult lessons of all.

Teach me your ways, O God.

The sun'll come out to-morr-ow

I took these shots shortly after sun rise. After two days of snow, the sun's glow reflects brilliantly in the sky and upon the white landscape.

Our 'neck of the woods' isn't moving yet, so I watched Mass on TV. In the gospel reading Jesus told Simon and his cohorts to "cast out into the deep", a metaphor for following Christ and for living our faith.

Today it's a fitting metaphor for digging out from under all this snow.

The silence following the storm

We have 2' of snow. It is soooo quiet. The area is immobilized and nothing's moving. No cars or trucks on the street, no planes overhead. Snow muffles all sound. Trees bow to the ground, some so deeply as to touch the earth. Others bend gracefully or painfully, I can't say, but the arching lines are quite beautiful.

I don't have anywhere to go; I'm quite content to marvel at God's handiwork. How foolish we are when we fail to recognize His rule over the earth.

In the eye of the storm

I can not remember ever seeing winter snow maps with large portions shaded and labeled "disruptive" or "crippling" snowfall. The reaction has been predictable: mobbed grocery and hardware stores stripped of essential items and nearly constant warnings about preparedness for the oncoming crisis.

It's led me to think about what we might do if we had advance warning of the disabling storms of life that are just over our horizon. How would we prepare, especially if we knew we had no power to avoid or stop them; we must go through them?

As a parent, that's my goal: to prepare my children to face life's storms.

They are now grown. The days for active teaching are past. Now I pray, I encourage, I try to be a faithful example.

Everything else, like the effects of today's "crippling" storm must be trusted to God.

It snowed overnight. Here's what I saw first thing this morning just as the sky was lightening: a magical white world. I'd sat down at the kitchen table with my back to the door while the dogs ate their breakfast. When they were done, I turned to let them out and there was this incredible sight that made me laugh with joy. So impressed, I'll have you know, I went up and down the stairs on my bum to retrieve my camera. The moment just HAD to be preserved for itself and also for the reminder of God's love of beauty and of us.

Heidi and April enjoyed it, too:

David's been sick since Thursday evening with food poisoning or a virus, not sure which.

It's been a tough week

God has been active in so many ways -- cards, calls, visits, food. .

I've seen answers to several long time prayers this week, too.

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The favors of the Lord are not exhausted...

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Testing and Believing

I spent this morning catching up on a dvd lesson that I missed last week because of ankle problems.

The text was God's testing of Abraham, the very troubling story of God instructing Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac, the son of promise and covenant.

The instructor (Jeff Cavins) pointed out Genesis 22:5: Abraham "said to his servants: "Both of you stay here...(the boy and I) willworship and come back to you."

I never noticed that verse before. Abraham fully expected that he would return and his son with him.

In verse 8 he says to Isaac: "God will provide the sheep for the holocaust."

No wonder God "reckoned (Abraham's) faith as righteousness." Abraham trusted God with what was most dear to him, fully believing that God would deliver both Isaac and himself even when Abraham couldn't possibly know how.

Over and over again God challenges me to trust Him. He asks me to let go of a person or an activity, a dream or a goal. It's hard. I trust and then I take it back and trust and take it back again in fear and doubt.

Sometimes God does not restore as we hoped. The death of Jesus is the prime biblical example and the resurrection is the answer. God always has a plan and a purpose, often beyond our imaginings, but always better than we could have dreamed.

My God is a rock in a weary land.

Guilty Pleasures

For several weeks now we've been following the calamities of the evening news with "America's Funniest Home Videos".

AFV's 21st century Laurel and Hardy-esque pratfalls (some must be staged, but most videos capture the comedy of daily life) are the perfect antidote to the nightly news.

We end the day together laughing.

Watching AFV began accidentally, maybe serendipitously, with channel surfing after the news.

The hilarity has become an evening blessing.

God is with us.

A perfect 10

Ten more days of no weight bearing which means 10 more days of hopping around. The broken bone has shifted and we feared surgery might be necessary. I'm so grateful that's not the case.

My th0ughts and prayers turn daily toward God's will for me in these days at home with my leg propped up. Mom sent this prayer. We're memorizing it together

O Christ Jesus, when all is darkness and I feel my weakness and helplessness, give me the sense of Thy presence, Thy love, and Thy strength. Help me to have perfect trust in Thy protecting love and strengthening power so that nothing may frighten or worry me. For living close to Thee I shall see Thy hand, Thy purpose, Thy will through all things.

Ready!

It's been a beautiful day. From my desk chair, I looked out on the clear blue sky with the sun shining through the bare trees. Many folks out today walking dogs in advance of another rain storm tomorrow. Wish I could have been among them but I am grateful for a window and eyes to see the world beyond these walls.

I prepared myself for Tuesday night's study of Genesis 12-24. My most memorable quotes:

13:8 Let there be not strife between you and me...
15:1 I AM your shield
15:6 Abraham put his faith in the Lord who credited it to him as righteousness
18:14 Is anything too marvelous for the LORD to do?
22:1 God called; "Abraham!" "Ready!" he replied.

That's my favorite.

Lil' darlin'

Does this lil' darlin' look like she could ever do wrong? Absolutely too cute, right?

Unable to walk her, I've been letting her out the back door in the morning. She knows the drill. While she does her 'business', I sit by the door awaiting her return while saying my morning prayers.

Today she ran out as usuall, but was out only a few minutes. She appeared at the door, I let her in, and settled back into my prayers. She headed into the family room. My back was to her. In less than 10 minutes I heard the distinctive feet scratching carpet sound that should happen only on grass!

So much for prayer!

My "BAD GIRL -- NO NO NO" rang out. Head down, she circled around my back and positioned herself in the cornerbehind me and sat there for 10 minutes. I did not teach her this! Too cute. I had to smile.

But prayer was over. I could not recover the inner quiet and attentiveness to God.

Given that she must be corrected, I'm not sure I should have done anything differently.

But in a sense, Satan won the moment disrupting my time with God.

In another sense, I gave into the temptation to anger. The mess really wasn't that important. Definitely I sacrificed, by my response, the peace that comes only in company with God.

Helena gave me a ride to Bible study last night. They began Genesis 2 weeks ago and I was intrigued with insights I'd never heard before. Yet I was aware in a new way of the grief I've been feeling at having my usual activities curtailed. My home projects have kept me busy enough to blunt missing familiar faces and places. The feelings surged last night.

Last night into today I've been reminded, one would think serendipitously but not -- that patience and trust in God's purposes for my life will never cease to challenge me. Properly chastised, I've still been restless today.

My stitchery has climbed out of the doldrums of several days ago! It's beginning to look like I may actually finish!!! I continue to experience some anxiety that I'll make some huge b00-boo that'll be revealed only at the end. I forge on nonetheless reassuring myself that even if that happens I'll have the satisfaction of finished (even if flawed) big project.

This pic is for George. :-)

Sarcasm rules

News flash! The orthopedic surgeon says my ankle is still broken! It took 2 1/2 hours to reach that stellar insight.

Bad news is that I have to wear the big bad bubble boot for another 4 weeks. That means I can't drive for another month. PHOOEY.

The good news is that I can put weight on it 'as tolerated'. That means no more hopping! HURRAY!

I almost edited the order of the last 2 paragraghs, but in deference to the truth I'll leave them just the way they came out.